


Emerald

by Bearfeat



Series: Spectrum [19]
Category: Ghost (Swedish Band)
Genre: Extremely Dubious Consent, F/M, Other, This gets better after the first chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-31
Updated: 2016-11-10
Packaged: 2018-08-28 05:11:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8433073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bearfeat/pseuds/Bearfeat
Summary: Chicago struggles with her place in the tour.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This starts off a little rough and I need to warn you for some non-con content.

During shows I would usually take a nap or read or write a bit. Jack, of course, would be at the stage, making sure everything would go according to plan. Red would take pictures for Instagram and Brush would be backstage, waiting to help Papa with his change of clothes. I could join them, and I could choose to sit back and watch. I’ve done that a lot, and gladly. The thing is, the only moment I could really be alone in our room or trailer was during shows.

Which is why the knock on the door surprised me.

 

‘Who is it?’

Silence.

 

I put my writing block aside and stood up from my bed. When I opened the door, I saw a ghoul. Because his back was turned to me I couldn’t really tell which one it was, but judging from the height, it was either Earth or Water.

‘Shouldn’t you be on stage?’ I asked him. I squinted my eyes against the dark. He turned. It wasn’t Earth or Water.

‘Show’s over.’ A familiar voice said.

 

‘Special?’ I smiled politely, suppressing my knee-jerk reaction of crawling into my super flirty self when I heard that voice and looked into a green eye. I had never grown close with this Guy. To me, he was still more Papa than anyone else. I wondered why Jack hadn’t fetched me to help backstage. I wondered why he was wearing this ghoul mask right now. Any fans with cameras hiding in the bushes?

‘To what do I owe the pleasure?’

I moved out of the way as Special ghoul entered the trailer.

‘I just… I’m here to check you out.’ He awkwardly shook his hands, but the tone in his voice did not imply awkwardness. It implied control.

‘Excuse me?’

‘We haven’t really met.’

 

My mouth fell open.

‘Are you telling me that this…’ I pointed at his mask, ‘is yet another personality? Like, not just _you_ in another mask? The mask is haunted and possessed again?’

Special chuckled. ‘In a way, yes.’

‘It is getting a little hard for me not to think you’re all just messing with me. Honestly, I’m getting tired of it.’

‘Oh, _you_ are getting tired of it?’ his hands were behind his back. From the way he stood, and the way he oozed authority, you wouldn’t notice his slim posture.

 

‘But you are the interview-ghoul. Did they really have to pour another demon into you to do interviews?’ I pointed at the ghoul’s emblem on his chest and noticed he was wearing Alpha’s uniform.

‘I don’t think I like your tone.’ He closed my door. Either something was going on, or he was playing a game with me. I wasn’t sure if I was down to play, though.

‘You understand I am taken aback?’

‘Yes.’ He took a step in my direction. I shied back a few paces.

‘What is wrong?’ he said.

‘Nothing.’ He approached me again. I took another step back.

‘What are you doing?’ I said.

‘I told you.’ he answered. ‘I’m _checking you out_.’ Green eyes glided down over my body, and slowly returned to my face.

‘Papa cannot reach everything in here,’ he patted a fingertip against his temple. ‘But I can. I need all the information, you see. Being the...’ he made quotation marks with his fingers, “interview-ghoul”.’ He took another step toward me, and moved his mask a few inches from my face.

‘And I am intrigued.’

 

‘Intrigued… how?’ I spoke softly. I felt naked under his gaze. There was only a small space between our noses. I wasn’t scared of him, but his intimidating glare got me puzzled. Special tilted his head, eyes never leaving mine, and leaned in to whisper in my ear: ‘I am intrigued by your motives.’

‘My motives?’ I did my best not to sound flustered.

‘Don’t play coy, now.’

Everything about the situation made me think of Emeritus and how he could so easily drive me mad. This ghoul had a different use of language. He seemed extremely clever and composed. Nevertheless, his eyes had the same horny sparkle.

 

I decided I needed to do something to turn this situation around, because I recognized that look. And I wasn’t up for it. Not today. The green eyes slowly moved over my face and my neck, and paused at my cleavage. He was standing so close our chests were nearly touching.

‘I see.’ Was he said, when I still hadn’t answered him. I wanted to retort with something smart, but all of a sudden I couldn’t produce any sound. I wanted to push him back, but I couldn’t move. He had me backed up against the dresser, and even though he wasn’t touching me in any way, I felt how he restrained me.

‘What is happening?’ I wanted to say, but only a hiss escaped my lips. Special leaned back and by the wrinkles around his eyes I could tell he was smirking.

 

‘Are you Papa’s whore? Omega’s mistress?’ the ghoul sharply tilted his head and I spun around on my toes, involuntarily, and rammed my palms into the wood of the dresser. My heart hurt when he said Omega’s name. Special pressed his torso against my back. ‘Speak to me!’

‘What is this? What are you doing to me? What the _fuck_ -’ he cut off my voice. He didn’t move or say anything, but through the mirror in front of us I read the power he had over me in his eyes. Magic, I thought. Demons. Devils. All of that shit. Sharp panic shot up through my throat.

 

‘I can see through you.’ he hissed, as he moved his masked face next to mine. I could feel his warm breath in my neck as he exhaled through his nose. ‘I can see what you want… _who_ you want… I see your desires.’ He pressed his crotch against my ass, letting me know the direction in which this game was headed. _No, no, no!_ I screamed internally, but the only thing I could move were my eyes. I couldn’t believe this was happening. I couldn’t believe the green eyes, looking at me through the mirror, would ever want to hurt anyone this way.

 

He laughed. ‘So that’s it, isn’t it?’ he said. ‘You _are_ a whore. You crave…’ he grabbed my hips and firmly pushed his erection against me.

‘Oh, don’t we all…crave…’ he moved his hands over the waistband of my jeans, and slowly undid the button. He pulled the zipper down. Then, his hands slowly made their way up, pulling my shirt and bra down, exposing my breasts. What’s the difference? I thought, feeling hot tears sting my eyes. What is the difference in getting undressed by yet another masked man? I was just a piece of shit, picked up from the side of the road out of pity. My throat hurt with the tears I was holding back. The ghoul hummed in approval.

 

‘We all fuck. There’s nothing wrong with that.’ The ghoul slowly tugged my tight jeans down over my hips. I heard the sound of a zipper behind me.

‘We are all whores here, Chicago.’

I fought so hard, but there was no way I could move or scream. When I looked into his eyes again, I could tell he was grinning, but his eyes were stone cold.

-

 

‘Yo, Chicago!’ I shot up and opened my eyes, seeing Brush, Jack and Red standing at the edge of my bed. ‘Show is over, and everyone is going drinking. And you’re joining.’

‘I was… I was dreaming.’ I said in a hazy voice.

‘Yeah.’ Red answered. ‘Why don’t you freshen up a little? We’ll be outside.’

I pushed my writing block off of me and jumped up. The three women looked at me with mild surprise as I stormed outside and sprinted towards the tour bus.

 

Just as I reached for the handle, de door swung open and a complete band and some roadies stepped out, unmasked, showered and ready to hit the bars. I called Omega’s name.

‘Hey! Chicago!’ he said, smiling warmly down at me. ‘Are you coming with?’

‘First: _you_ are not calling me Chicago.’ Omega grinned as I punched his shoulder. ‘Second: yes. Yes, I am coming with. But er…’ I looked at the other men. They were all acting as though they weren’t listening, avoiding all eye contact with us.

‘Can we discuss it over a beer?’ the ghoul pleaded. I scoffed as I saw his boyfriend and the Water ghoul impatiently gesture at him from the corner of my eye. A cold chill ran through my body when I felt the singer’s eyes on me. Then my eyes snapped back to Omega’s face. He had gone full puppy-dog.

‘Fucks sakes, yes, alright!’ I grinned, as I watched this big ghoul pout at me.

‘Aaaaaether!’ some of the others had already started leaving.

‘Chicaaaago!’ we heard Brush call my name. It made me feel a little better. Omega took my hand. ‘So, did you just wake up or something?’ he said, as we started walking too.

 

‘Yes.’ I answered. ‘And I’ve got a few questions.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special, I am so sorry! I am really not into writing this kind of stuff. In the first draft this was a sex scene and OC was kinda into it, but that just felt random and didn't have the dramatic effect I was looking for. In the end I made it happen in a dream, because I didn't want to hurt my characters and I didn't want to write something that nasty about our beloved Special.  
> I promise you the rest of this story will be warm and fluffy and will only hurt in a good way.


	2. Chapter 2

I held his arm as we walked towards the taxis that were hauled by the unmasked singer. I was smoking a cigarette, offered to me by Omega. His lovers’ eyes watched us stroll together, me clinging on to the ghoul to slow him down just enough for me to keep up with him, and him cracking jokes at me to lighten my mood. I looked up when we reached our car, feeling the green eyes on me. Remembering the dream, my smile faded and I quickly looked away from his gaze. I loosened my grip on the ghoul, but he held my hand so tight I got dragged onward, ending up in between the two men. Hesitatingly accepting my fate of entrapment, I looked up into the Guy’s eyes again, and smiled politely. I tried to ignore the very clear film of my dream playing over and over in the back of my mind.

 

‘Chicago.’ He said with a twinkle in his eye. ‘You’ve been well?’ I nodded.

‘Made yourself at home?’

‘Yeah, kind of.’

‘I noticed.’ He winked at me. Then he stepped inside the car. In a glance I saw my ghoul roll his eyes.

I honestly didn’t know if he referred to me being so affectionate with Omega or to that night that I _watched_ , but I was too flustered to ask him about it.

 

 

‘I don’t think he likes me!’ I admitted to Omega over our third beer. The ghoul raised his eyebrows.

‘What? No, of course he likes you!’ he patted my hand. ‘Don’t worry.’

Are you sure? I wanted to ask him, but I saw how his eyes trailed off and a new subject of conversation pushed the previous one out of his mind.

‘Now your questions…’ he started, ‘you want to know about demons and stuff, right? Black magic and shit.’

‘Well, how did you guess?’ We were crammed at a table in a corner of a pub. Water had suggested to ‘get in some shots and a couple of beers’ before hitting the club. They had great plans for the night, apparently. Omega shifted a little closer to me. We were standing shoulder-to-shoulder (in theory, of course, because Omega was so tall our shoulders were barely touching) overseeing our joyful company.

 

‘I can’t tell you everything.’ He said after a while. ‘But you can ask me whatever you want.’

‘It is about the ghoul masks’ I looked up at him, noticing the stubble on his cheek. His blue eyes peering through the room. ‘Are they like his?’

‘No. No magic in the ghoul masks.’

His eyes finally turned to me when I didn’t respond. Apparently the flashback to my dream could be read on my face, because I could see a hint of worry on his. ‘What’s up, kid?’ he asked me, in a more sincere voice.

 

‘All of the ghoul masks?’ I said softly. My gaze wondered across the room and fell on the back of the unmasked singer’s head. ‘What about his ghoul mask?’

‘He… doesn’t have one.’ Omega answered. ‘He wears Alpha’s mask sometimes, or mine, but Alpha’s fits better.’ He held his hands up in front of his face. ‘I’ve got a big head.’

I laughed and playfully bumped my head against his shoulder. The beer was starting to hit the right spot.

 

‘Forgive me if I’m being too pushy about this.’ I told him. ‘It’s just that… it’s kind of hard to comprehend all this. A couple of weeks ago I didn’t believe in anything.’ I watched the light dance over his face as he moved.

‘There’s really no demon inside you when you put on your mask? There’s no demon called ‘Special’ who does all the interviews because he knows everything about anything?’

 

The ghoul’s eyes peered in mine for a few beats. ‘You really must have had some bad dream, didn’t you, sweetheart?’ When I didn’t answer, he put his arm around me and gently rubbed my shoulder. His lips parted, as if he was going to say something, but then-

 

‘Hallo, my darrrlings!’ we both jumped at Papa’s thick accent, produced by an impishly grinning Guy.

‘Fuck, man…’ Omega cursed, as the other wiggled his eyebrows at me. ‘How are we doing?’ he said. ‘My Ghoul, my Ghouleh…’ he paused for dramatic effect, and so noticed the reaction that word triggered in me. ‘What about some tequila over here? My treat.’

‘I… I have to go to the bathroom first.’ I spat out, before running off.

 

I locked the door behind me, stripped down my jeans and sat down. My heart beating in my throat. It was just a dream. Just a dream. No black magic, no demons. No more than needed, at least.

 

I felt nice and tipsy. When I closed my eyes, I could almost feel Omega’s arm around my shoulder. His breath in my ear. I shuddered. I quickly finished and pulled my pants back up. this was no place for fantasizing. I giggled when I saw my blushing face in the mirror. Being here made things better, with the girls, and the roadies, and my ghoul. It was just a dream. No demons.

I flung open the door and started crossing the room, when I froze mid-air. A knot formed in my stomach as I saw Omega, tall and beautiful and arm around the shoulders of the other man, lips just breaking away from a lingering kiss. No demons, I repeated once more.

 

-

 

_‘I don’t think she likes me.’ The man said, and he turned to Aether beside him. Chicago had been avoiding eye contact with him and she froze like a deer in the headlights whenever he was around._

_‘Just give her some space then. Maybe relax around her. You’re being quite intense.’ The ghoul answered._

_‘How do you mean?’_

_‘Well, for instance, you don’t need to make it so fucking obvious you know what she looks like naked.’_

_The man’s eyes grew wide. ‘Am I really being that creepy?’_

_Aether raised his eyebrows and looked at him for a second. ‘Yeah!’ he said loudly. ‘Yeah, you are!’_

_‘Shit.’ He grabbed Aether’s beer and took a long sip. ‘I guess I just…’ he looked up. The ghoul’s eyes still gave him butterflies. ‘I guess I just wanted to make sure she knows I’m not jealous.’ The crooked and knowing smile on the larger man’s face now made for a rush of blood to his cheeks. ‘I’m not jealous that you guys… are so…’ he awkwardly flapped his hands. ‘I mean, if you want to fuck her tonight, I don’t mind.’_

_Aether leaned against the wall. ‘What makes you think that?’_

_‘Come on. She’s been rubbing against you like a little bird who can’t generate enough body heat.’_

_‘Much like you’re doing right now?’ Aether gave him an accusing look and the man looked down. ‘You love it.’ He said. The other grinned._

_‘We’re not going to fuck.’ Aether said after a while. His love’s eyes looked up. ‘We get drunk, and we get honest, and maybe we’ll make out. That is what we do. That is our thing. We drink and we talk.’_

_The other man rested his head on the ghoul’s shoulder. ‘You don’t have to promise me anything.’ He said, as he saw Chicago open the bathroom door. ‘I can’t ask that of you.’ Aether put his arm around him. ‘Let’s discuss this some other time.’ he whispered. New butterflies fluttered around in the smaller man’s stomach as Aether placed a finger under his chin and made him look up. His blue eyes were soft and light in the shady room. He noticed the stubble on his cheek. A thumb caressed his face, leaving a searing trail of fire over his skin. He closed his eyes and felt the ghoul’s soft lips close over his own. Too soon they were gone again. He smiled and blinked his eyes._

_‘Shots!’ he shouted suddenly, as Chicago reached their corner. ‘Tequila? Tequila?’ he pointed at the girl and at the ghoul. ‘Tequila.’ He said, and headed for the bar._

‘I guess we’re drinking tequila.’ I smiled at Omega. We both watched how his lover glided over to the bar, light as a feather, turning heads with the charm he oozed. I recognized the movements of his hands and shoulders. I wondered how much of him was, in fact, Papa Emeritus.

‘Hey.’ Omega said next to me. I looked up.

‘At least liquor will give you sweet dreams.’

A tight knot that had formed in my stomach when I saw them together a moment ago, loosened. A little.


	3. Chapter 3

This man seemed adamant in getting us in a cheery mood.

‘Now I’m getting a beer.’ Omega said after shot number five. ‘No more of that shit.’

We both watched as he walked off to the bar, and immediately seemed to be pulled into a conversation going on between Air and some roadies.

‘That’ll take a while.’ The Guy beside me sighed. ‘Cigarette?’

I bowed my head to his hands, to help him light mine. Then he said my name. My own name.

 

His green eyes were warm as he smiled at me. He looked so different now, before me.

‘The girls really like having you around.’ He said. ‘Jackie speaks highly of you.’

‘Really?’

‘Does that surprise you?’ he said.

‘That Jack speaks? Yeah.’ I responded. I giggled awkwardly, feeling the alcohol, but he smiled back.

‘Have you thought about what you want to do after this?’ he said. I looked up. After?

‘We could use someone like you on the European tour.’ He spoke softly.

 

Someone like me? A very unexperienced roadie? I thought. What is it that I could possibly add?

‘Is that something you would like? To travel with us some more?’ he said. I looked from him to my hands, and then I looked at all the people in the bar. Jack and Red in the corner. Brush, dancing with some of the crew. I deeply felt how I had grown to love these women, and I deeply felt the tequila slightly blurring my sight. My eyes finally fell on Omega, beer in his hand, laughing at a joke one of the roadies just made.

‘I don’t know you that well,’ The Guy said beside me, ‘but every time you really want something, you stop talking.’

I sniggered. ‘It’s true. You don’t know me that well.’

 

Only when our eyes met again he realized his mistake.

‘I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.’ He said.

‘How am I supposed to come to terms with things like enchanted masks that make a demon inhabit your body?’ I blurted at him. ‘How am I supposed to deal with the fact that, apparently the times I was fucked by that demon, somebody else was in the room, watching?’ I took a deep breath. Afraid I might have insulted him by plainly pointing out one of the many elephants in the room, I pressed my fist against my mouth.

 

‘I’m sorry.’ He said, and gently touched my shoulder. At this point, I wasn’t even sure if I was mad at him. I just wanted us to be able to have a normal conversation, without feeling all this tension. ‘Please don’t be ashamed. He’s persuasive like that. Papa gets whatever he wants. And I would never judge. Please…’ he paused, making me look at him again. ‘I’ll get us another drink, and then we’ll talk some more.’

 

 

He brought gin and tonics. I thanked him, and then we stood in silence again.

‘He’s quite taken with you.’ he said, and I realized I had been staring at Omega again. But he wasn’t talking about the ghoul. ‘Papa apparently loves coming back to you.’

‘He’s quite taken with a lot of people.’ I said. And I smiled, to make sure he knew I had no problem with it. That it was a pleasant deal for me too.

‘I understand why he likes you.’ he continued, and took a big gulp from his drink. ‘You seem comfortable in your own skin. It’s an attractive trait.’

I had no idea what this conversation was. Was he trying to compliment me? To make me feel at ease? He lit another cigarette and held out the pack to me, but I declined. If I’d be drinking gin and tonics from now on, another smoke would knock me right of my feet.

 

‘Do you like being a roadie? Red told me you’re actually a writer.’

‘I fucking love it.’ I blurted. I smiled when I thought about the day. ‘I love learning about stage stuff. I love the crew.’

‘You love helping.’ He stated.

‘…yes.’ I stared at him for a while and watched him blink against the smoke.

‘Why did you invite me to travel with you?’ I said. He inhaled again, and slowly exhaled, pursing his lips so that the smoke wouldn’t reach me.

‘You didn’t like your life.’ Again, it was a statement. He sounded sincere.

‘I didn’t?’ I said, slowly coming beware how true his words felt. He emptied his glass.

‘You did?’

I bowed my head.

‘I had no idea you were in Chicago the night that Aether came back.’ He said. ‘Papa had tried to visit you, but you were gone.’ I felt him looking at me. ‘Your scent was still there. Your laptop was still on.’

Something dawned on me. I slowly looked up to meet his eye.

‘That story you were writing… was that about you?’ he softly said. The story. The story I was writing in a dark moment, when it was either writing or going mad. Then I hadn’t considered the third option: leaving.

‘I am writing a new story now.’ I said. A hint of a warm smile crept over his face.

 

 ‘My turn!’ I grabbed the empty glasses and had them refilled at the bar. I half expected, maybe hoped, somebody to have taken my place at the singer’s side, but he was still there, alone, when I returned. He took a small swig, and then he hiccupped.

‘Oh.’ He said. And then we both laughed. He patted the table, and I acknowledged the gesture by shuffling closer.

‘I am glad you bumped into Aether in Chicago, Chicago. He told me you encouraged him to come back.’

‘Well…’ I leaned a little against him and he slightly bowed his head. We must have looked like we were sharing secrets. ‘Well…’ I said again. ‘Honestly, besides everything that happened between Papa and me and you and Aether…’ I swallowed something away. ‘You are, as a band, still very important to me, and… ah, fuck, how do I say this?’ I looked for words, but he let out a throaty laugh.

‘You didn’t want the band to break up?’ he giggled, loud, and banged the table with his fist.

‘Chicago!’ he flapped his hands while I looked at him in shock. ‘Chicago!’ He grabbed my arms and pulled me in for a hug.

 

Taken by surprise, I didn’t hug him back at first, but when he held on I wrapped my arms around him. When I inhaled I noticed he smelled exactly the same as Papa. I had not expected that. When he let go, he hiccupped again. I looked him up and down. One of his eyelids was drooping. He lit another cigarette. There was a sort of permanent half-smile on his face. I felt pride in handling my liquor better than him. When he offered his pack again, I accepted. Immediately after lighting the cigarette, I felt the how the nicotine gave the alcohol in my body a huge boost.


	4. Chapter 4

We shared a mojito, because I wanted to try it, but we both decided it was too sweet.

‘They don’t put sugar in cocktails everywhere, you know.’ He said. ‘Next time we’ll go to a… to a proper cocktail bar.’ Then he went to get us both a beer and another gin and tonic. ‘Just in case.’ He said.

‘You love booze.’ I said.

‘I doooo!’ we clunked glasses and drank.

For almost two hours, we had stood here, just the two of us. Our shoulders pressed together and our cheeks only inches apart. Sometimes one of us swerved, out of nowhere, and the balance was gone, but every time we made sure to restore it. He had been chain-smoking. I had been feeling warm and fuzzy inside. He tried probing my mind some more about the depression I suffered before leaving home, but to keep the mood light I warded off his questions and asked him about music. And damn did that man love to talk about music.

 

‘That’s why I was… collected by the clergy.’ He slurred his words a little. ‘The Papa’s didn’t write those songs. They truly are the face, the voice, the _attitude_. But they are slaves to the succession.’ His accent was shining through more and more, especially on the ‘s’s.

‘We write.’ He glanced over at some of the band.

 

‘Omega told me you enjoy being the host.’ I said. He turned back to me.

‘I do! The Papa’s always get into s-s-shenanigans.’ He slurred more, and laughed at himself. ‘And they fuck. So. Much.’ He downed his beer and leaned towards me. Our foreheads almost touching.

 

‘You really like it when Papa calls you Ghouleh, don’t you?’

‘For fucks sakes!’ Frustration shot up through my throat and I pulled away from him, but the man quickly explained himself.

‘I’m not trying to make fun of you!’ he said hastily, flapping his hands. ‘I really don’t!’

‘Then what is your point?’ I said. Liquid courage searing through my shoulders.

‘Ather calls me Kitten.’ He beamed. ‘And I become like wax in his hands.’ I watched as he slowly blinked his eyes. Then we burst out in laughter.

‘That is…yeah.’ I giggled. ‘A super personal thing for you to share with me.’

 

‘That man!’ he pointed fiercely at a blissfully unaware Omega. ‘I love that man. I fucking love the shit out of that man.’

‘Yeah.’ I smiled, feeling a fantastic buzz inside my head. My cheeks were nice and warm. ‘You’re a fucking poet, by the way, but yeah.

‘His _eyes_!’ I blurted out. Without missing a beat, the other extorted: ‘His _fucking_ eyes!’

‘Jesus.’

‘Yeah.’ We clunked our glasses.

 

‘When he…’ the other flailed and flapped his hands (which I noticed had gotten worse at each new drink), ‘when he laughs he does like this full-body…’ he broadened his chest and held his hands in front of him, as to mimic Omega’s laugh.

‘Yes!’ I encouraged him. ‘And… and…’ I suppressed a small burp, ‘and the fact that he looks like he could just, like, pick you up and, I don’t know, throw you around, but really wouldn’t hurt a fucking fly.’

‘I love it when he throws me around.’ The Guy mumbled in his glass.

‘What?’ I said, but a few seconds later the words landed. ‘Oh. Well, I bet you do, Kitten.’ He looked up. Twinkle in his eye.

 

‘That look on his face right before he comes…’ he whispered. ‘Like he’s absolutely helpless under your touch.’

I had only seen it once or twice, but the sight flashed before me in an instant. I felt a warm rush of blood to my lower body and I saw the blue eyes, drowning in pleasure, muffled groans in the distance. I licked my lips. When my eyes adjusted, I discovered I had actually been staring in the wrong pair of eyes. Or the right pair of eyes.

I honestly didn’t know anymore.

 

He moved his hand over mine. His fingers caressed my knuckles.

‘I can’t forget that first night I saw it.’ He whispered. ‘When Papa brought Aether to you…’ he looked at me as if he wanted to kiss me. I knew that if he tried, he wouldn’t do it because of me. He would do it because his heart was overflowing with love for the man a couple of feet away, talking to some other people, unaware what the two of us were willing to give for him. He would do it because he wouldn’t know where else to go, feeling like this.

‘Do you think we could do it again? Without Papa this time…’ his voice sounded through my foggy brain. It tried to reach a place inside my head for it to be understood. Slowly, the green eyes closed, and the fingers caressing my hand brushed over my shoulder and into my neck.

‘P…pa…’ I heard myself stutter, right before he closed his lips over mine in a soft kiss.’ He pulled back, and our lips made a small smacking sound.

‘You can call me Papa if you like.’ He breathed. I was not sure he knew what he was saying at that moment. Then, very clearly, I heard the same voice, but coming from within. _We are all whores here, Chicago._

My entire body went cold.

 _Omega’s mistress_ , I thought, vision blurring before my eyes again. _Papa’s whore_. In my head, I saw the lines fade. The lines between me, right here, and the person I was a year ago. The lines between intimacy and loneliness. The lines between being loved and being touched.

 

I suddenly realized how far from home I was. The gin-and-tonic splattered all over the floor and the glass broke as it hit the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when I said from now on it would only hurt in a good way?
> 
> I might have lied.


End file.
